dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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