i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
