So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
