four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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