Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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