Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
