How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
how drunk are you?
Several
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
