Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
