some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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