Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
