I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
