know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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