when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
