No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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