Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
