He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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