im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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