The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
