There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
