Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
