Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
