Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
did i just pee glitter
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
