Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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