The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
