i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
