Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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