I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
