I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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