Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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