Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
