Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
