Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
