Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
