"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
