Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
