She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
