I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
