He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
