Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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