I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
