well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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