Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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