my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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