Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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