she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
