Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
