Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
