Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
