1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
