That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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