You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
