Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
