Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
