I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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