I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I won the penis lottery.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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