Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
