I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
