We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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